Help Me Jesus…

Tristin and Teresa

In the car, so close to home – yet so far away. It’s that moment that many I’ve talked to have experienced – that moment when your stomach, slightly upset, feeling the bowels working overtime…you know, that feeling that you never want?

Here I was nowhere close to a restroom. Experiencing that butt clenching, cold sweat, nausea induced moment in which control ceases to exist.

Groaning in great discomfort while fearfully driving, “Oh Jesus, help me Jesus…” all the while my daughter laughed hysterically; more so at the look on my face as I cried out to Jesus for help.  Begging her to stop laughing as she was making me laugh so hard while I painfully laughed while her giggle caused the muscles to give way…turning left into the neighborhood, my daughter’s laughter increased only causing what I feared the most to come to pass – what was about to happen if I didn’t jump out of my car when suddenly I lost all control, now drenched in one of my favorite pair of jeans – it was over!

I screamed, “Help! I pooped!” My daughter screamed, “No you didn’t! Mom! Noooooo!” When suddenly you could hear her slowly sniff as the scent seemingly tangibly hit her and that was when she suddenly screamed, “NOOOOOO! Ahhhhhhhhhh! Mom! Mom! Mom! You pooped…NOOOOOO!”

I’ll never forget that day.  However more than anything…I’m going to remember that this hilariously, unfortunate, true life scenario reminds me of the moments in life when we relinquish control of what is right and suddenly we find ourselves sitting in the middle of a bunch of “crap”!  In life, crap happens – but it doesn’t mean we have to allow our “happenings” to reflect the crap; instead we can allow the washing of God’s Word to clean us up!

Nooooo!!!

Delicious food – you know the meal that you hope lasts for an eternity – yet it disappears so quickly as you shovel it in as though being timed in a food eating contest and unless someone filmed your eating habit – you wouldn’t think twice about it – ha!

So here we were enjoying delicious food and time together with my daughter as well as Chris and Hadasha.

 

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Cody, Chris. Joy of New Beginnings. 2016. Instagram, Texas @chriscodyyy

 

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Time escaped us when we realized the restaurant was closing for the evening. Upon leaving, we walked out together sharing a hilarious story. Meanwhile, in the parking lot, hovered by the star lit sky –  walking each other to our vehicles – when the inevitable moment happened…I can’t even tell you that the story being shared was even that funny – yet it was their reaction to the story that caused this inner tickling to set off the laughter that was unstoppable – laughing with everything in and out of me got me laughing even harder when that horrific feeling of knowing it was coming forth with full force, I screamed, “Stop talking! Nooooo! Helllllp!” As they screamed, “Nooooooo! Don’t peeeeee…” that is when the levy broke, the stream sounded and my bladder was unstoppable as I stood there in my adorable outfit on the slanted blacktop when the geyser gushed forth all the while watching the look on their faces as they watched in horror as my pee was traveling at warped speeds toward them.  What  made it far worse was to see them running from the stream as hopeless laughter caused my bladder to be  completely emptied.  Suddenly, everyone’s screaming turned to stunned silence as they had only heard the stories – but this time they experienced the horror first hand.

As I laugh thinking back on that evening – I LOVE THE humor of God as I just read, “Anyone who believes in Me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, “Rivers of living water will flow from his heart…” (John 7:38) – Can you hear me giggling?

May you experience JOY that overflows and travels at warped speeds toward you that overwhelms you – allowing it to overflow on others causing strength to annihilate your every part even if your laughter is stronger than your bladder…

 

Relief…ha!

Tristin and Teresa

Uncontrollable laughter as the six of us were hootin’ and hollerin’ right smack in the middle of Chili’s.  Our server Vickie was fun and witty as our random outbursts of celebration over our friend’s birthdays didn’t phase her a bit.

It was about two years ago when this memorable moment took place. My friend had plans to go to Chili’s, and I thought it was the one closest to our house, but being that she needed to be somewhere afterwards she realized it would be better to go to a different location other than the one we normally frequented.

Meanwhile as we came together, it was no surprise that our time with one another caused the laughter to “spill over” as we attempted to collaborate with our singing efforts to the “Happy birthday” song.  Now in our obvious song choice, we were going to do so in our well mastered accents…ha! So it went like this, I was going to sing in a Korean accent, while Jacob sung in his well mastered Russian accent, Patty preparing to sing in an Irish accent, as Kelsey would do so in a British one while Paula prepared to sing with a Spanish accent and my daughter “Paris” randomly choosing to sing in what she would imitate as how a “Hillbilly” would sing.  As soon as we were about to ‘perform”, my daughter had just bitten into a southwest egg roll as she turned to me and smiled and right there in front of me stared a black bean as it had attached to her front tooth as we were about to sing.

Already tickled, there it was…the moment I lost it – and now it was to the point of no return as none other than the floodgates of my bladder burst forth and my dignity was swept away…it was over…not only was I soaked, but Jacob, Patty’s 17 year old son  was sitting next to me and somehow heard the subtle stream as his eyes became as big as saucers. Just thinking of that moment now causes me to laugh out loud as he looked at me with fear of what just may have happened was confirmed as he slowly looked down on the ground underneath the table to find a large puddle and in disbelief he exclaimed, “No! You peed!”  And at this point I couldn’t breathe as I still had the image of Trissy’s smile combined with his disbelief as well as the whole table of people in utter shock as they also began to slowly look underneath the table to find the evidence that “Laughing Mom” was in their presence.

At this point it was so many embarrassing thoughts rushing through my mind.  As timing would have it, Vickie our server approached the table finding none other than the mess I made and yet was so sweet as I had to break it to her what had just taken place, when she genuinely and so kindly offered to clean it up.  Meanwhile in sheer panic, I said, “NO! I’m so sorry, I don’t want you touching my mess, all I ask is if you could please bring me a towel and spray so I can spray the booth down and clean up the floor…”  After her incredible assistance we knew we couldn’t just leave a good tip – but we needed to leave a memorable one.

In that moment as the check was paid, we all contributed to the tip to ensure our server had well over than what she expected along with making it an opportunity as an outreach to give her one of our REACH Church cards along with finding a pen to leave with her! We thought for sure we’d never see her again when that next Sunday to our surprise there she was along with her precious family; with her husband and two children.

Of course we thought that was the end of the story until about nine months later our church did several videos of different people’s testimonies.  The testimonies were on how God had touched their lives through our church family. While watching I saw a young man whom I recognized, realizing it was none other than Vickie’s husband – as I heard his story, tears streamed down my face as we had no idea that the birthday celebration at that particular Chili’s was going to usher in with joy and celebration this young woman’s husband into the Kingdom of God. To hear his brief yet “telling” testimony was God revealing His goodness on this young man and his family. Watching the video, we were dumbfounded to realize Vickie’s husband had been an atheist, while still searching for truth, he walked into REACH Church and wanted more as he heard TRUTH being taught and proclaimed through our Pastor.

To look back on the grace of God – even through a messy, embarrassing moment – God would cause it to reveal His glory on a spirit of a young man that needed to be reconciled back to The Father.

The moral of this story?  We get to be “mess”engers of God’s joy – causing relief in more ways than we could ever imagine!!

Your Name Looks Familiar…

Tristin and Teresa

Bills to be paid, errands to run, “To Do” lists to be checked off; meanwhile I was beyond ready to get back home to unwind as I finally approached the last errand on my checklist.

With all the hustle and bustle that drizzly day, I entered the drive of my local electric company, intentionally thinking of the two options I had to pay my bill: I could either go inside or go through the drive thru.  The thought of convenience “won” and so as I turned to go through the drive thru, I miscalculated while turning into the port which was separated by a raised median as I unknowingly managed to drive up on when suddenly my truck bounced off the ground more than once to where both myself and my daughter were jolted up from our seats almost hitting our heads against the ceiling.  As I came back to reality, after almost peeing my pants, I noticed the lady in the car beside me who must have done the same as she had this incredibly concerned yet scared expression as she must have heard the bumping sound and perhaps thought I was going to crash.  From there it only got better…as I looked up, I saw a few ladies through the glass window watching from inside as they covered their mouths and seemingly gasped as it caused me to burst into nervous laughter as I waved at them. While rolling down the window I could hear the intercom switching on as the sweet lady who ended up helping me was giggling while saying something to the effect of,  “Did you think you were driving a monster truck?”  I was a bit embarrassed yet still laughing and said, “You know, I did that on purpose, right?” Ha!

As things settled down, still giggling from the little adventure, I sent in my payment through the tube and a few moments later the intercom came back on as I heard the lady’s voice saying, “Your name looks familiar…Teresa Criswell…hmmmmm…wait! Are you a writer?” Caught off guard even more, I sheepishly responded with a slow, “Yes”.  She continued, “You write for Triumphant Victorious Reminders, right?”  And I said, “Yes, how did you know?”  She said, “I just subscribed to it yesterday.”  We began laughing even harder as I thought, “Talk about meeting someone with a “BANG” – along with a little tinkle for this laughing mom…ha!

Since that moment, God has utilized it as a teaching one. You perhaps would ask,  “How so?”   Well, when I’m about to lose my cool or become impatient over something, I think of that moment…would I be recognized?  And if so, would I be recognized because of kindness and joy or impatience and complaining?

All in all, this laughing mom was reminded why I laugh…I laugh because of my God revealed by Jesus as the Holy Spirit unites us in Him.  I want people to be filled with joy when they know the Name of Whom I belong to and that is the name above all names – The Author of all authors – the Name that is Joyful, Victorious, Strength – I want to hear, “You remind me of Someone Who BANGS up shame, condemnation and sin – do you belong to Jesus?”

Lesson Plan???

kids raising hands

Jim dismayed, stood in the classroom asking himself how he got there. His wife, Jennifer sat on the ground as her eyes welled up with joyful tears. She was moved to tears by an eager little boy who wanted to share his favorite song. He extended his right arm so high as if he were to raise it any higher he may just have pulled a muscle. Wearing a white polo shirt, beige ‘docker like’ pants and light brown hair spiked handsomely high, Jennifer said, “Yes, share with us your favorite song.”

The little boy looked around to make sure his audience of 22 was ready to listen when suddenly with all his heart he belted out in his sweet, southern drawl, “TW’A’NKLE, TW’A’NKLE, LITTLE STAR, HOW I WONDER WHARE YOU ARE…” As he finished with a huge smile on his face, his audience of 22 clapped for him.

As most precious children, the others wanted to share their favorite songs too. Meanwhile, another little boy eagerly raised his hand. As he extended his arm upward, his little hand waving violently back and forth, Jennifer finally called on him saying, “What is your favorite song?” He proudly said, “Spiderman”. After he sang his song, another child, a little girl, or I should say a ‘princess’ accessorized in pink, with her ‘bling bling’ purse filled with little toy cosmetics, stood up knowing who she was…a princess. As she sang her favorite song she twirled up on her tip toes like a ballerina and her arms extended above her head.

As the little girl sat down, it suddenly sunk in as Jennifer and Jim realized with panic that they were the only adults in the classroom. There was no teacher, they had no lesson planned, and Jennifer asked herself, “What do we do now? We signed up to help, not to teach!!!” The ability to improvise took over as she said in her sweet, gentle voice, “Let’s sing a song about Jesus.” As she giggled and sang with the class she noticed in the corner of the room, her quiet husband who would never intentionally place himself in situations like this, was frantically looking for the lesson plan to teach the kids about Jesus.

Sweating profusely he was stunned as he thought with great irritability, “How did she talk me into helping out in the four year old classroom at church?” Suddenly his question was interrupted as he heard a sweet little girl’s voice. He looked down to see a precious little girl with flowing blonde naturally curly hair looking straight up at him. Clearing his throat as if to act he was never perplexed, said, “Yes?” The little girl with tear filled eyes, desperately said, “Teacher, I need help! I have a snake stuck in my hair.” Puzzled he said, “What? A snake?” He realized after quickly assessing the situation that the entanglement  was going to have to consist of scissors. He shook his head again saying to himself, “Never again.”

He carefully, seemingly piece by piece, pulled out each hair as he so glared at his beautiful wife from across the room. He finally got to the last few strands of hair, as he had to break the news to the little girl, with no emotion, just raw realness, he said, “You have a choice, I’m going to either have to cut your hair or cut the snake.” The expressions on the little girl’s face changed multiple times within a couple of seconds when suddenly she began to cry, just short of screaming, “No! Don’t cut my snake! No!!” His face bright red, sweating profusely he calmly, yet irritably said, “Hey, hey, it’s okay, we’ll just cut a little bit of your hair in this one place.”

The drama was interrupted by the excitement in his wife’s voice and she proclaimed across the room, “Who loves you all so much that He died on the cross and rose again?” They all shouted simultaneously and with great confidence, “JESUS”!

A few moments later, after the hair and snake episode, James finally found a book filled with Bible lessons for the children. He opened it up and realized all the helpful activities to coincide with the lesson. Of course in his mind he thought with great sarcasm, “Well I found this a little late.” A few more minutes passed by and it was finally time for the parents to pick up their children. Although it felt like chaos at this point, Jim and Jennifer just knew to hang on for they would for sure make it out alive!

To say the least, it was hilarious to hear their story, watching their facial expressions, I giggled so hard, but this time guys I actually made it to the restroom DRY!

As I journal someone else’s funny experience, I am reminded that many times we aren’t prepared to take the ‘curve balls’ of life. We see how life drives us to the knowing need, the wake up call of what the lesson plans are, yet just as Jim and Jennifer were desperately looking for a lesson plan to teach the children; we need to become desperate for God and His plan for each of us by going to the Instruction book – The Word of God.

Well with all that, along the way, as we laugh, let’s laugh with no fear of the future…because we know how our awesome our God is in the midst of the surprising twists and turns of this adventure called life!

Do you have a funny story in which you weren’t prepared?  If so, would love it if you shared!!!

(Story came from Teresa’s original blog, http://www.triumphantvictoriousreminders.com)