Clean up…

Aside

waves

What is it about laughter that can overwhelm us?  Why is it that I seem to laugh at the most inconvenient times – do you know what I mean? For instance – that particular moment when my daughter and I sat at the dinner table of a friend’s house.  Now mind you, this beautiful friend is amazing and has a unique, incredible quality of knowing how to be quiet. However when around people like this – it can be quite dangerous – dangerous because of me…as many of you know by now, quietness and I don’t go well together in the mix of awkwardness!  So there we were, around the dinner table – no one was talking – yet in the midst of the ‘tongue-salivating’, ‘lip-smacking’, ‘food processin” sound – mixed with the  awkward silence – it was over!  Yep – freakin’ over!  The laughter stirred up within me like a violent hurricane, wiping out the levy’s of controlled laughter – it was like a tsunami of sorts in which my bladder was overtaken with this gigantic laughing wave and right there in the beautifully new, upholstered chair I lost it – my pee that is.  As pee left my body, sheer panic came flooding in and within moments I went from being a dinner guest to being the one who was stared at by my friend who honorably hosted us – she was in utter shock – no words, no laughter, just plain shock.

Meanwhile, I could only imagine what she was thinking…perhaps her thoughts went something like this, “Did she really just pee on my brand new chair?”  “Is this really happening?”  Within seconds she unfroze and ran to action, grabbing some towels and cleaner, as I stood in a puddle of embarrassment I even more awkwardly attempted to assist; that is when she stopped me and ever so patiently insisted that I wash off as she handed me a clean towel and some clean clothes as I planned on asking for a bag to place my soiled clothes in and would wash them when I got home – instead she insisted that she place my drenched pants into the washer.

This sadly hilarious, real life story leads me to the reminder of joy.  As joy comes forth it is like a ‘flushing’ tool that purges out the ‘waste’ of worries – supernatural joy that randomly seems to come forth is not mere chance but purposeful – the purpose allowing us the opportunity to stand in the midst of shame and allowing the waves of victorious grace to overwhelm us, washing us. The ‘joy giving strength’ rises up from within, obliterating the levy’s of ‘self’ and allowing the tsunami waves of God’s joyful grace to overwhelm us as He cleans us up and extends His beautiful hands of restoration toward, upon and in us, allowing HIS joy to overflow onto others – extending what we have freely dove into and never being the same – and I mean NEVER the same as we get to reveal the One Who cleaned us up and washed the embarrassing and shameful stains away!

 

Lesson Plan???

kids raising hands

Jim dismayed, stood in the classroom asking himself how he got there. His wife, Jennifer sat on the ground as her eyes welled up with joyful tears. She was moved to tears by an eager little boy who wanted to share his favorite song. He extended his right arm so high as if he were to raise it any higher he may just have pulled a muscle. Wearing a white polo shirt, beige ‘docker like’ pants and light brown hair spiked handsomely high, Jennifer said, “Yes, share with us your favorite song.”

The little boy looked around to make sure his audience of 22 was ready to listen when suddenly with all his heart he belted out in his sweet, southern drawl, “TW’A’NKLE, TW’A’NKLE, LITTLE STAR, HOW I WONDER WHARE YOU ARE…” As he finished with a huge smile on his face, his audience of 22 clapped for him.

As most precious children, the others wanted to share their favorite songs too. Meanwhile, another little boy eagerly raised his hand. As he extended his arm upward, his little hand waving violently back and forth, Jennifer finally called on him saying, “What is your favorite song?” He proudly said, “Spiderman”. After he sang his song, another child, a little girl, or I should say a ‘princess’ accessorized in pink, with her ‘bling bling’ purse filled with little toy cosmetics, stood up knowing who she was…a princess. As she sang her favorite song she twirled up on her tip toes like a ballerina and her arms extended above her head.

As the little girl sat down, it suddenly sunk in as Jennifer and Jim realized with panic that they were the only adults in the classroom. There was no teacher, they had no lesson planned, and Jennifer asked herself, “What do we do now? We signed up to help, not to teach!!!” The ability to improvise took over as she said in her sweet, gentle voice, “Let’s sing a song about Jesus.” As she giggled and sang with the class she noticed in the corner of the room, her quiet husband who would never intentionally place himself in situations like this, was frantically looking for the lesson plan to teach the kids about Jesus.

Sweating profusely he was stunned as he thought with great irritability, “How did she talk me into helping out in the four year old classroom at church?” Suddenly his question was interrupted as he heard a sweet little girl’s voice. He looked down to see a precious little girl with flowing blonde naturally curly hair looking straight up at him. Clearing his throat as if to act he was never perplexed, said, “Yes?” The little girl with tear filled eyes, desperately said, “Teacher, I need help! I have a snake stuck in my hair.” Puzzled he said, “What? A snake?” He realized after quickly assessing the situation that the entanglement  was going to have to consist of scissors. He shook his head again saying to himself, “Never again.”

He carefully, seemingly piece by piece, pulled out each hair as he so glared at his beautiful wife from across the room. He finally got to the last few strands of hair, as he had to break the news to the little girl, with no emotion, just raw realness, he said, “You have a choice, I’m going to either have to cut your hair or cut the snake.” The expressions on the little girl’s face changed multiple times within a couple of seconds when suddenly she began to cry, just short of screaming, “No! Don’t cut my snake! No!!” His face bright red, sweating profusely he calmly, yet irritably said, “Hey, hey, it’s okay, we’ll just cut a little bit of your hair in this one place.”

The drama was interrupted by the excitement in his wife’s voice and she proclaimed across the room, “Who loves you all so much that He died on the cross and rose again?” They all shouted simultaneously and with great confidence, “JESUS”!

A few moments later, after the hair and snake episode, James finally found a book filled with Bible lessons for the children. He opened it up and realized all the helpful activities to coincide with the lesson. Of course in his mind he thought with great sarcasm, “Well I found this a little late.” A few more minutes passed by and it was finally time for the parents to pick up their children. Although it felt like chaos at this point, Jim and Jennifer just knew to hang on for they would for sure make it out alive!

To say the least, it was hilarious to hear their story, watching their facial expressions, I giggled so hard, but this time guys I actually made it to the restroom DRY!

As I journal someone else’s funny experience, I am reminded that many times we aren’t prepared to take the ‘curve balls’ of life. We see how life drives us to the knowing need, the wake up call of what the lesson plans are, yet just as Jim and Jennifer were desperately looking for a lesson plan to teach the children; we need to become desperate for God and His plan for each of us by going to the Instruction book – The Word of God.

Well with all that, along the way, as we laugh, let’s laugh with no fear of the future…because we know how our awesome our God is in the midst of the surprising twists and turns of this adventure called life!

Do you have a funny story in which you weren’t prepared?  If so, would love it if you shared!!!

(Story came from Teresa’s original blog, http://www.triumphantvictoriousreminders.com)

Lose Yourself…

Have you experienced those moments when you’re willing to lose yourself because of something you are incredibly passionate about?  Whether you have the resources or not, you just want to get the message out?

So let me start by sharing Innocence Thriving, it is an awareness group that my daughter started a couple years ago to help with the fight against human trafficking; giving tips to kids and adults on simple ways to be safe online, when you’re out and about and remembering to pay attention to your surroundings.

Anyways, with that, let me take you to the scene.  There we were in our kitchen.  We put up the amateur backdrop made of gift wrap paper and moved the kitchen stool so I could sit there to film my daughter’s awareness video for @parisittv Youtube channel.  Holding on to my daughter’s iPad as a video camera, we were getting ready to film a quick video to update her followers.  With our creative, yet low budget ways, due to not having a teleprompter to read her script, we came up with an alternative.  Are you ready?  It was none other than, “Let’s use my forehead!”  Yep!  There it was, mom’s novel idea – so I went to my computer, typed out what Paris would say, printed the script out in large font and then strategically taped it to my forehead.

Yes! That’s what we did!

So again, there we were, I had the iPad in hand, paper on my forehead and nodding to signal, “Action!”  Paris was was doing a fantastic job when suddenly the paper on my forehead was creeping slowly down my face as the tape was definitely losing it’s adhesive stick.  In that moment, as she was almost finished, this random thought entered my head of what I may have looked like – as the paper was now in my eyes and suddenly my imagination got the best of me – I snorted in laughter as she was almost finished, so close to her wrapping up, and that was when her mom, yes me, with little dignity, burst out into raging laughter from the depths of my belly and you got it – right there as the video was still going, camera shaking violently coupled with that hysterical silent yet violent laughter I lost it – every drop of pee that is.

(There’s the evidence below…we took a still photo from the video so you could see that was for real)

Image

O goodness…just thinking of that moment, trying my best to hold it in only made it worse. Of course we eventually finished the two and half minute video after I cleaned myself up and uploaded the video as though nothing ever happened.

Sighing and shaking my head with a little giggle – as I shared my transparent ‘pee’ entry into my diary – have you done something like this?  If so, please share away so we can laugh even more!  Would love to hear your story…

REALLY?!

school motto

Have you ever attended a meeting or a conference of some sort? As you closely pay attention to every word being spoken, out of nowhere this random thought comes in and you wonder if the speaker has to foo-foo (a.k.a. air biscuit, fart), pee or even poo or even have to diarrhea?!?!?”

Yes, I know!  I’m again, letting it all out (no punn intended) – I’m letting the ‘fat rolls’ show and taking the Spanks off and just being real.  For real though – have you ever thought those things?  Okay, you can answer that silently (Again, no punn intended).

So with that sick, transparent thought of mine, it leads me to a memory of a particular moment, one of the first days of homeschool this year.  I was a little nervous, yet excited and just totally gun-ho about the whole experience.  Of course I had been anticipating this moment all summer long to be able to teach and even learn alongside my daughter.

As we began this particular day, we committed our day to the Lord so that our works, in spite of us, would be made successful.  We also declared that the things we were to think on throughout the day were whatever was noble, right, pure and lovely (Philippians 4:8).

With a readiness to teach and after the commitment of our day, we were working on math; everything was going great as we were reviewing things that my daughter already knew.  Sailing through the math lesson, and then BAM! I hit a little bump in the road and realized I had no idea about simple, mathematical definitions. I knew what they were but had no idea they had official names.  So to my surprise, it was the first I had heard of ‘ordinal numbers’. So there it was, the number fifty-two (52) and Trissy was needing to convert it to an ordinal number.  As I was learning this term I must tell you I was feeling really smart!  Haahaa! Until that moment of reality in which I began the attempt to actually explain it.  Can I blame it on the instructions?  Seriously though – the way the instructions were laid out it wasn’t  ‘worded’ clearly so in turn it wasn’t making sense to Trissy in what needed to be done.  So there it was, my moment!

I began by saying, “Trissy, this is very simple – it’s like a pattern.  When you see the number one (1), what is it?”   And she looked at me with this confusing look and said in a frustrating, questioning tone, “One?!”

Then I said calmly, “No.  It’s not one, it’s what?”  And for some reason the word I was looking for was not coming to me.  So I asked her the same question again, but in a different way.  “Ok Trissy, if it’s 1, 2 or 3, what would it be now?”  Suddenly her face turned red, her mouth barely opened and through gritted teeth she said very slowly, “Mooom, it’s 1, 2 or 3!”

The teacher in her shining moment was beginning to fade very quickly as I responded, “No Trissy, come on! It’s more than that, what is it?”  Finally, she looks at me and says, “Mom, I’m getting annoyed, I don’t understand what you are trying to say.”  Flabbergasted, I then said, “Trissy!” And then it began to escalate as she said, “But Mom! I’m getting annoyed!”

Suddenly, it must have been the Holy Spirit as I was overcome with laughter realizing how frustrated my dear child was.  It was a bit sad as her countenance revealed utter confusion. I realized that it was as though I was making this simple lesson into a foreign language.  Knowing what I had done, this seemingly twisted mom – yes me – could not stop laughing!  Now please know, I wasn’t laughing at her, instead I was laughing at myself and how she must have been seeing me in that very moment!  Now this is where the kicker comes in!  While I stood in the middle of the classroom, laughing hysterically I couldn’t breathe, it only got worse as I was screaming, “Help! Help!  I’m going to pee!”  And she looked up at me even more bewildered said, “Mom, PLEASE! Don’t Pee!”  And I screamed, “No! No! Don’t say that…” and as soon as the word “that” came out of my mouth, the geyser gushed forth and it was over!  My bladder emptied right there and then out of all moments for everything to come together, it was that very moment; the word I had been searching for in my mind was none other than the word, “abbreviation”.  I screamed, “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!” While still soaked, my pants wet, I said, “Trissy! I know what I was trying to say! What is the abbreviation for one? If someone wins they are in what place?”  And she said, “First!”  I exclaimed, “Yes!  That’s right!”  So then if it’s two, what would it be?”  She responded with confidence, “Second!” “Yes, that’s right! So the same goes with 52 – if the number is 52 what is the abbreviation?” She said, “Fifty-second.” “Okay, and what does that look like in numerical form?”  And she wrote 52nd. I was so excited as this foreign language became simple again and then quickly I came back to reality – “O crud!  I’m soaked”.  So yes!  Trissy’s crazy mom, took a break, cleaned her mess, cleaned herself up by taking a quick shower and resumed from right where they left off.

With my crazy antics revealed in my ‘pee diary’ entry – have you had moments like this?  If so, are you brave enough to show your ‘fat rolls’ as you take your Spanks off; figuratively speaking?

Learning ‘What Not To Do’ The Hard Way!

Here’s one of my many naked moments; revealing some of  the ‘fat rolls’ and taking the ‘Spanks’ off, so to speak!  I’m letting it all out, okay?

Now listen! If you proceed to read on – you waive all rights to say I didn’t warn you – haahaa!  So here’s my disclaimer with this blog – “Proceed with caution and cast down the ‘by default’ restraints that could possibly tempt you to want to pre-judge me” – if you can do that – then please by all means, read on. 🙂

Now a side note, from being a mom – as we teach our children – we prayerfully hope with great expectation that the Holy Spirit of God penetrate their hearts to remember the valuable lesson of being slow to speak (James 1:19). Of course, as I remind my kids, it’s an automatic reminder to myself – with that – here’s a story of ‘what not to do’ – with good intentions even – it’s still a case of ‘what not to do’!

So here goes…

From a few yards away, I noticed a tall, slender, beautiful woman standing; leaning against the railing as she overlooked the lower level of the mall. The adorable maxi style dress she wore complimented her small yet cute protruding little belly.  She seemed to be taking in the savory smells of retail at it’s finest – you know – that yummy cinnamon and sugar aroma of the awe inspiring Auntie Anne’s pretzel shop?!?!

At this point, I can ‘see’ the compliments whirling through my head as I must approach this woman and let her know how beautiful she is! I’m incredibly excited as I get to ‘deliver flowers being in the form of words’.  As I slowly approached her, with an intentional soft tone I began to say, “Ma’am?”  With that, she kindly turned to me and gently said, “Yes?”  And with great joy I said, “O my goodness – I must tell you that I believe you are the most beautiful pregnant woman I’ve ever seen – you are ador…”  I didn’t get a chance to finish the last word of that sentence as the atmosphere quickly changed.  It went from a beautiful moment of a woman being celebrated to that moment of reality when I got figuratively slapped with the gasp of disgust!!!  And then I heard the words no one wants to hear – Yep! You most likely guessed it!  She said with a short, cutting tone, “I’M NOT PREGNANT!”

The first thing that came to my mind is, “HELP! HOLE! Find a HOLE!” My face felt as though it had turned 20 shades of red in less than a nano second!  All I could do is desperately grasp for any sound to form words that seemed to escape my mind, “Uh – uh – uh!” It even seemed I was about to choke on my spit as my mouth suddenly went dry, my hands clammed up and my stomach churned as I felt I was about to echo through  my rear exit hole what had just exited my mouth – none other than ‘word’ diarrhea! That is when the words seemed to finally come forth with a nervously, shaking voice, “O  my goodness – ma’am I’m so sorry!”  Panic overtook me as all I could say over and over again as she walked away was “O Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!”

I just stood there, trying to pinch myself out of a nightmare – but NOPE! Unfortunately, that was ‘realer than real’!

Are you laughing like I am?  As we laugh, and as i think upon that embarrassing moment, again – thankfully I can laugh now – but it’s moments like these that have led me to wonder – “How does this woman share the story with her friends? How does she re-tell the story to her husband or even her family?”  Does she see me from a justifiable perspective of “How dare she?” Of course, for me to even go to that unknown place is hopeless.  Instead I must ask myself, “Did I learn from that real life situation?”   You better believe it! I shake my  head laughing as I assure you – it no longer matters – even if I’m 99% sure a woman is pregnant – ‘mum’ is the word unless she makes a comment that is very clear she is with child!  And with that, I learned that I still could have complimented her but didn’t need to add my speculations to the mix!

Thanks for loving my ‘fat rolls’ and all!  So with that – is there an awkward moment you were a part of that you’d like to share?