REALLY?!

school motto

Have you ever attended a meeting or a conference of some sort? As you closely pay attention to every word being spoken, out of nowhere this random thought comes in and you wonder if the speaker has to foo-foo (a.k.a. air biscuit, fart), pee or even poo or even have to diarrhea?!?!?”

Yes, I know!  I’m again, letting it all out (no punn intended) – I’m letting the ‘fat rolls’ show and taking the Spanks off and just being real.  For real though – have you ever thought those things?  Okay, you can answer that silently (Again, no punn intended).

So with that sick, transparent thought of mine, it leads me to a memory of a particular moment, one of the first days of homeschool this year.  I was a little nervous, yet excited and just totally gun-ho about the whole experience.  Of course I had been anticipating this moment all summer long to be able to teach and even learn alongside my daughter.

As we began this particular day, we committed our day to the Lord so that our works, in spite of us, would be made successful.  We also declared that the things we were to think on throughout the day were whatever was noble, right, pure and lovely (Philippians 4:8).

With a readiness to teach and after the commitment of our day, we were working on math; everything was going great as we were reviewing things that my daughter already knew.  Sailing through the math lesson, and then BAM! I hit a little bump in the road and realized I had no idea about simple, mathematical definitions. I knew what they were but had no idea they had official names.  So to my surprise, it was the first I had heard of ‘ordinal numbers’. So there it was, the number fifty-two (52) and Trissy was needing to convert it to an ordinal number.  As I was learning this term I must tell you I was feeling really smart!  Haahaa! Until that moment of reality in which I began the attempt to actually explain it.  Can I blame it on the instructions?  Seriously though – the way the instructions were laid out it wasn’t  ‘worded’ clearly so in turn it wasn’t making sense to Trissy in what needed to be done.  So there it was, my moment!

I began by saying, “Trissy, this is very simple – it’s like a pattern.  When you see the number one (1), what is it?”   And she looked at me with this confusing look and said in a frustrating, questioning tone, “One?!”

Then I said calmly, “No.  It’s not one, it’s what?”  And for some reason the word I was looking for was not coming to me.  So I asked her the same question again, but in a different way.  “Ok Trissy, if it’s 1, 2 or 3, what would it be now?”  Suddenly her face turned red, her mouth barely opened and through gritted teeth she said very slowly, “Mooom, it’s 1, 2 or 3!”

The teacher in her shining moment was beginning to fade very quickly as I responded, “No Trissy, come on! It’s more than that, what is it?”  Finally, she looks at me and says, “Mom, I’m getting annoyed, I don’t understand what you are trying to say.”  Flabbergasted, I then said, “Trissy!” And then it began to escalate as she said, “But Mom! I’m getting annoyed!”

Suddenly, it must have been the Holy Spirit as I was overcome with laughter realizing how frustrated my dear child was.  It was a bit sad as her countenance revealed utter confusion. I realized that it was as though I was making this simple lesson into a foreign language.  Knowing what I had done, this seemingly twisted mom – yes me – could not stop laughing!  Now please know, I wasn’t laughing at her, instead I was laughing at myself and how she must have been seeing me in that very moment!  Now this is where the kicker comes in!  While I stood in the middle of the classroom, laughing hysterically I couldn’t breathe, it only got worse as I was screaming, “Help! Help!  I’m going to pee!”  And she looked up at me even more bewildered said, “Mom, PLEASE! Don’t Pee!”  And I screamed, “No! No! Don’t say that…” and as soon as the word “that” came out of my mouth, the geyser gushed forth and it was over!  My bladder emptied right there and then out of all moments for everything to come together, it was that very moment; the word I had been searching for in my mind was none other than the word, “abbreviation”.  I screamed, “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!” While still soaked, my pants wet, I said, “Trissy! I know what I was trying to say! What is the abbreviation for one? If someone wins they are in what place?”  And she said, “First!”  I exclaimed, “Yes!  That’s right!”  So then if it’s two, what would it be?”  She responded with confidence, “Second!” “Yes, that’s right! So the same goes with 52 – if the number is 52 what is the abbreviation?” She said, “Fifty-second.” “Okay, and what does that look like in numerical form?”  And she wrote 52nd. I was so excited as this foreign language became simple again and then quickly I came back to reality – “O crud!  I’m soaked”.  So yes!  Trissy’s crazy mom, took a break, cleaned her mess, cleaned herself up by taking a quick shower and resumed from right where they left off.

With my crazy antics revealed in my ‘pee diary’ entry – have you had moments like this?  If so, are you brave enough to show your ‘fat rolls’ as you take your Spanks off; figuratively speaking?

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4 thoughts on “REALLY?!

  1. Pee Mom, thanks for teaching me a new word today and for making me giggle! You brightened and warmed my chilly spirit on this sub-zero day! I haven’t had any geyser moments but why is it that my husband cracks a funny comment just when I take a big swig of my drink and I can’t swallow and don’t want to spit it out and it tries to make an exit through my nostrils?! 😉

  2. One day at church years and years ago, I was standing in the sanctuary waiting for worship practice to start. There were several young ladies there as well waiting for youth group to start…actually, they were flirting with one of the youth musicians. Believe me when I say, he was not enjoying it. They were getting somewhat annoying to him, so, as I stood there, watching to make sure “nothing went wrong” it did. And how! In an attempt to….um….redirect them, he dropped his pants…right in front of me, showing his rather colorful SpongeBob Squarepants Underpants. I was soooo stunned I literally couldn’t speak! The girls saw my face and started giggling. He turned to see me red faced and catatonic and burst into a full, hardy belly laugh. So did the rest of the room. To my horror, I started to laugh as urine ran hopelessly down my legs, and I stood there still stunned and laughing. There was nothing to do but wait. Finally I caught my breath and walked out as a sudden silence descended…they’d discovered my pee. As I swiftly exited, the laughter redoubled itself. I still cannot picture that incidence without a trip to the potty. 😳

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