Learning ‘What Not To Do’ The Hard Way!

Here’s one of my many naked moments; revealing some of  the ‘fat rolls’ and taking the ‘Spanks’ off, so to speak!  I’m letting it all out, okay?

Now listen! If you proceed to read on – you waive all rights to say I didn’t warn you – haahaa!  So here’s my disclaimer with this blog – “Proceed with caution and cast down the ‘by default’ restraints that could possibly tempt you to want to pre-judge me” – if you can do that – then please by all means, read on. 🙂

Now a side note, from being a mom – as we teach our children – we prayerfully hope with great expectation that the Holy Spirit of God penetrate their hearts to remember the valuable lesson of being slow to speak (James 1:19). Of course, as I remind my kids, it’s an automatic reminder to myself – with that – here’s a story of ‘what not to do’ – with good intentions even – it’s still a case of ‘what not to do’!

So here goes…

From a few yards away, I noticed a tall, slender, beautiful woman standing; leaning against the railing as she overlooked the lower level of the mall. The adorable maxi style dress she wore complimented her small yet cute protruding little belly.  She seemed to be taking in the savory smells of retail at it’s finest – you know – that yummy cinnamon and sugar aroma of the awe inspiring Auntie Anne’s pretzel shop?!?!

At this point, I can ‘see’ the compliments whirling through my head as I must approach this woman and let her know how beautiful she is! I’m incredibly excited as I get to ‘deliver flowers being in the form of words’.  As I slowly approached her, with an intentional soft tone I began to say, “Ma’am?”  With that, she kindly turned to me and gently said, “Yes?”  And with great joy I said, “O my goodness – I must tell you that I believe you are the most beautiful pregnant woman I’ve ever seen – you are ador…”  I didn’t get a chance to finish the last word of that sentence as the atmosphere quickly changed.  It went from a beautiful moment of a woman being celebrated to that moment of reality when I got figuratively slapped with the gasp of disgust!!!  And then I heard the words no one wants to hear – Yep! You most likely guessed it!  She said with a short, cutting tone, “I’M NOT PREGNANT!”

The first thing that came to my mind is, “HELP! HOLE! Find a HOLE!” My face felt as though it had turned 20 shades of red in less than a nano second!  All I could do is desperately grasp for any sound to form words that seemed to escape my mind, “Uh – uh – uh!” It even seemed I was about to choke on my spit as my mouth suddenly went dry, my hands clammed up and my stomach churned as I felt I was about to echo through  my rear exit hole what had just exited my mouth – none other than ‘word’ diarrhea! That is when the words seemed to finally come forth with a nervously, shaking voice, “O  my goodness – ma’am I’m so sorry!”  Panic overtook me as all I could say over and over again as she walked away was “O Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!”

I just stood there, trying to pinch myself out of a nightmare – but NOPE! Unfortunately, that was ‘realer than real’!

Are you laughing like I am?  As we laugh, and as i think upon that embarrassing moment, again – thankfully I can laugh now – but it’s moments like these that have led me to wonder – “How does this woman share the story with her friends? How does she re-tell the story to her husband or even her family?”  Does she see me from a justifiable perspective of “How dare she?” Of course, for me to even go to that unknown place is hopeless.  Instead I must ask myself, “Did I learn from that real life situation?”   You better believe it! I shake my  head laughing as I assure you – it no longer matters – even if I’m 99% sure a woman is pregnant – ‘mum’ is the word unless she makes a comment that is very clear she is with child!  And with that, I learned that I still could have complimented her but didn’t need to add my speculations to the mix!

Thanks for loving my ‘fat rolls’ and all!  So with that – is there an awkward moment you were a part of that you’d like to share?


10 thoughts on “Learning ‘What Not To Do’ The Hard Way!

  1. Have had that happen to me numerous times. No, I wasn’t always
    Preggers, and when I wasn’t, it hurt. My own daughter asked me
    once if I was gonna have a baby again. I innocently laughed and
    told her no, asking why she’d asked. “Your tummy is so big again.
    So I thought I’d ask if you could have a sister for me. I don’t want any
    more stinky brothers”. I laughed through my tears.

  2. This is so u!! I love it! U are meant to write for the glory of God. What all christian women need during these times…is laugher! Our lives are hard and another sweet devotional is just too much some times.laughter is pleasing to our God!! U go girl

  3. This is hilarious, and the way you describe it makes me visualize it as if I was there with you! I can just see you and feel your enthusiasm over an opportunity to encourage someone…what you are gifted to do. I can also feel the bubble burst as you wished you could rewind and edit that moment! 😉 I hope the woman was able to erase this from her memory! I had a moment during Christmas one year…someone had given me a box of delicious dark chocolate truffles. As I carried the box across the room to my mother in law, Lexie, my little dog was following me, making it known that she wanted a ‘treat’. Since chocolate is deadly to dogs, I said “NO, Abby, NO, this will kill you!” … and without a beat, “Lexie would you like some?” Through the laughter of my family, red faced
    I tried to make it clear that I…didn’t …mean…um…well I just needed the dog to know…..uhhh…… 🙂
    My family has not and will not let me forget this….but I am so grateful they understood that I didn’t mean it the way it came out…and grateful for a family with a great sense of humor! We all had belly aches that night…from the laughter…not the truffles!!!

    • Lorraine!!! That is so cute!!! O my goodness – that is hilarious!!! I bet you didn’t live it down!!!! And anyone who knows YOU, knows that you wouldn’t harm a fly – LOL!!!! That’s a good one – thank you so much for sharing!!!!!!!! LOL!!!! I’m still giggling!!!

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